MRSM PC

Persamaan antara MRSM PC dengan rumah/sekolah harian:-

TIADA

Perbezaan antara MRSM PC dengan rumah/sekolah harian:-
1. Perlu berebut tandas.
2. Kena bangun punyalah awal.

3. Dikehendaki untuk menegangkan katil.
4. Makanan yang mengembangkan tekak.
5. Masa persekolahan yang menusuk kalbu.
6. Kelas yang sempit seperti kubur.
7. Kerja sekolah yang sentiasa ingin menyayingi Gunung Everest.
8. Peperiksaan yang kerap dan soalan yang membunuh.
9. Kewujudan SEM yang membunuh aku kali kedua.
10. Masa yang singkat untuk merehatkan otak dan badan.
11. Aktiviti-aktiviti yang sangat padat dan memenatkan.
12. Penggunaan bahasa yang tidak universal.

n.k. bukannya memburukkan MRSM PC tetapi aku hanya merindui perjalanan hidup yang lebih selesa dan mudah di rumah dan di sekolah harian. Tetapi inilah dia, aku sudah mengambil cabaran, terpaksalah aku habiskannya. Tetapi aku bersyukur kerana aku mengambil keputusan untuk berpindah sekolah, kerana bilalah lagi dapat aku rasakan kehidupan di asrama. Tambahan pula di Kelantan.

One way...

Call me old school but what happened to the one way love?
You know like Romeo and Juliet.
When you talk about Romeo, there is nobody nobody nobody else but Juliet that suited him.
OK, maybe it isn't fair to compare the hypothetical lovers to the reality couples.
Their pure passionate love is incomparable.
But these days I always hear either two ways or three ways relationships/scandals at one time.

Exhibit A.
Gossiper 1: Hey, do you remember Carol?
Me: Yeah, Kurt's girlfriend. What about her?
Gossiper 1: I heard she's having a go with Liam if you know what I mean.
Me: What? Really? Is she still with Kurt?
Gossiper 3: Duh, she is. But I heard she's with John.
Gossiper 4: Nah, she's done with John and Liam. She's with Greg now.
Me: But I thought she's with Kurt.
Gossiper 3: She is with Kurt. But then again, I heard she's going out with Jake.
Gossiper 1: I heard that too!
Gossiper 4: Yeah, I think that's the most recent one.
Me: Are we still talking about the same Carol?

Seriously, I miss the one way love. Bring it back please?

Looking back...

I've realized. How crazy life can be.
I've realized. How deep these wounds they've carved.
I've noticed. How serious the tears I've shed.
I've noticed. How significant theirs and my giggles were.
I've caught on. How little I spent time with my loved ones.
I've caught on. How restless I became doing inconsequential things.
I've realized. How my ignorance damaged everything around me.
I've realized. How the consequences effect others because of my rash actions.
I've noticed. How the things I did hurt me and involuntarily hurt others around me.
I've noticed. How shallow and cretin people can be.
I've caught on. How life doesn't revolve around me no matter what the circumstances are.
I've caught on. How time isn't just gold, but it's a priceless diamond.
I've realized. How their patience and advices helped me moved on.
I've realized. How lifeless I was when they left.
I've noticed. How I belittled the people who actually meant a quarter of my life.
I've noticed. How carefree I was over those precious little moments they and I had.
I've caught on. How harsh this real world could be and I should keep my figment of imaginations securely within me.
I've caught on. How sincerely or genuinely I complimented someone.

I just realized. How little I knew about you and how little I spent time to actually know you.

I'm sorry.
I wish I could turn back the time.
But humans are just The Divine's creations. We are not meant for such great things.
The only thing now is to look forward and to remember to slowly savour every bits of what will be missed in the future-year.

Sorry. Again. It took me this long to realize, to notice and to catch on.
I'm sorry.

Disappearing..

I am.
Slowly....
It isn't hard.

You wanna try?
All you have to do is stay very quiet.
Yeah, stay there very very very quietly.
Because if you don't move or you don't say anything, people won't notice you.
Yeah, they won't.
They'll leave you alone.
Really. I swear.
So just stay very still.
They won't bother you.
They won't, I promise.

Now you know don't you?
Now you know what it's like.
You know what it's like to be alone.
Don't you?

Like me.
I'm alone.
I cry alone.
I smile alone.
I laugh alone.
No. Not because I stayed very still or kept quiet.
I am alone because...
well just because.

Eventhough my heart aches, my eyes swell with tears, no one will be there to comfort me.
No one.
Because I'm new.
Because I don't belong there.
Because I'm not them.
I can NEVER be one of them.

Yeah. No one's there to comfort me.
No one.

So you should be thankful.
That you're here. With my awesome friends.
Because they are always there to comfort you.
To tell you they're there.
To crack silly jokes.
To slice those awkward moments with sarcasms.
Yeah. Be thankful.

Because I'd do anything to take your place.
To feel like I'm there and part of something.
To feel like I'm alive and breathing my own air.
God, how I wish I was you.

Sometimes I just want to feel like home eventhough I'm on alienated land.
Sometimes I want to be a part of something.

I don't want to disappear.
I just don't want to feel like I'm disappearing and finally...

I'm GONE.

I have been...

missing a lot lately.
dreaming of home.
breathing alienated air.
shedding worthless tears.
living outside of my sanctuary.
staying under an unprotected asylum.
wondering around without notions.
trying so hard.
aching inside and out.
looking outside the window.
laughing at everything.
forcing a smile.
asking for directions.
canvassing every single thing.
telling insignificant jokes.
slicing awkward atmospheres with nothing but words.
talking crap.
swallowing inedible food.
watching him.
searching for answers.
laying around thinking.
witnessing catastrophes.
lying to myself.
soliloquizing.
slowly losing my sanity.
choosing everything wrongly.
repeating the same mistakes.

and
I am absolutely....


lost since day one.

Buat rakan-rakan sejagat....

Entah macam mana nak mula. Mungkin pertama sekali aku nak susun sepuluh jari tangan dan sepuluh jari kaki memohon maaf.
Aku tahu mulut aku ni macam 'laser' sikit. Main lepas je. Kalau aku ada terguris hati ke, atau tercalar dan yang sewaktu dengannya, aku nak minta maaf.
Kedua, aku nak ucapkan ribuan terima kasih kepada rakan-rakan tersayang. Atas sebab-sebab yang tertentu.
1) Menjadi rakan yang boleh dikategorikan sebagai 'terhebat'.
2) Mengajar aku erti persahabatan yang mungkin 15 tahun yang lalu aku masih jahil.
3) Mengetuk kepala aku kalau aku buat dosa.
4) Mengusap kepala aku kalau aku buat pahala.
5) Mendidik aku pelajaran yang aku masih terkial-kial untuk memahami.
6) Berada di sisi aku ketika aku 'moody', gembira dan juga dalam masalah.

Walaupun ada yang aku baru sahaja kenal mungkin tahun ini dan tahun lalu atau dua tahun sebelumnya, tetapi kesan dan bukti kehadiran korang di sisi aku, tidak akan aku pudarkan.
Kalau aku nak tulis satu-satu tentang semua rakan aku, pasti tidak sampai aku ke Pengkalan Chepa sebab terlalu banyak.

Aku nak beritahu korang yang aku sayang sangat persahabatan kita. Segala gelak ketawa dan bual kosong yang kita nikmati dan kongsi akan aku ingat sampai bila-bila. InsyaALLAH kalau ada jodoh, kita akan bertemu lagi.

Buat rakan-rakan yang 'terlebih rapat' (anda tahu siapa anda), tiada kata-kata yang dapat dijadikan simbol kesayangan aku buat korang.

"Setiap pertemuaan, pasti ada perpisahan."
Jangan melupai aku dan sememangnya aku tidak akan melupai korang.

Rakan-rakan:

Muaz, Mera, Qila, Mali, Nurul Izzati, Myaa, Erin, Syira, Mija, Ziqah, Zurin, Ummu, Diana, Yasmin, Asfea, Fatihah, Alya, Sunshine, Aten, Wanie, Fatin Syafiqa, Athirah, Zirwa, Isyqie, Jie, Munirah, Amirah Samsuri, Afiqah, Najaa, Elina, Elida, Farah Izzati, Risi, Ali, Shahir, Amin, Ayar, Hazim, Ammar, Malik, Aizat,

dan

rakan-rakan 2 Aman, 3 Aman dan 4 Aman serta rakan-rakan di kelas lain dan sekolah lain.

Akhir sekali, aku nak ucap terima kasih lagi sekali dan semoga korang berjaya.

n.k.
-terima kasih atas surat-surat yang mengayat hati dan hadiah-hadiah yang sangat cantik.
-insyaALLAH aku akan bawa bersama telefon bimbit. Kalau rindu jangan segan silu untuk menghantar mesej. Aku sedia menunggu. haha

Daripada sahabatmu,
Izzy Rozali.

Indifferent...

The rain outside subsides as she drags her heavy feet to the full-length mirror.
She stands gawkily,
Standing,
Looking,
Observing,
Standing.
The mirror reflects nothing interesting.
Like any other day.
It doesn't show her the person that she wishes it should be.
The person in the mirror has nothing to offer the world.
Nothing to offer her
Nothing to offer.
Nothing.
Her brown wavy hair was cut earlier this month.
According to the-non-fashionable-magazine.
Her lumpy flesh tries hard to cache excessive unctuous; without ascendancy.
Her skin isn't as dainty as an adolescent should be.
Her clothes hang ineptly against her no-figure figure.
But above all that she smiles to herself.
Letting a huge sighs.
I am me, she tells herself.
I am proud to be who I am.
I am the ugly kid, she laughs silently.
I am the kid everbody hates to be with, she claims.
Suddenly, a thunder strikes.

That's when she breaks down.
She kneels to the floor.
Her tears flow as if she has held them for so many years.
She clasps her hands over her face.
"I'm ugly!" she wails as if she regrets it.
"I'm useless, I'm nobody!"
"I'M UGLY!" she bawls.
"I'm ugly," she murmurs under her breath.
Her tears are completely dry now, her eyes are getting heavier.
Her lips tremble as she wraps herself with a blanket.
Blocking the bitter cold, blocking the nasty world outside and simply just blocking everything out.
"I'm ugly," is her last words before she drifts deep into her slumber.
Into a dream world where she's always who she wants to be.
Where she feels safe.
Where she belongs.
Where ugly is not a word to be said nor claimed.
Where she is indifferent.

Holding on tight,

Looking up,
Praying to God,
"Please please please",
Holding on to you,
Holding on tight.

Letting go on one of the hands,
Tears began to flow,
Bitterly biting my skin,
Trying to not let go of the others,
Holding on to you,
Holding on tight.

One day,
Shocking news,
It arrived,
I trembled,
Tears flowing down again,
My breath became uneven,
I was choking,
I held on to you,
You looked at me,
You smiled "congrats",
You said,
Holding on tight.

I'll miss everything,
Your laugh,
Your smile,
Your heart warming jokes,
Your everything,
But I'm holding on,
Holding on tight.

We don't have much time,
But it doesn't mean this will end,
It won't,
I promise,
Because I love you,
Because I won't let you go,
Because I'm holding on to you,
I'm holding on tight.

To: QILA, my beloved friends from 3 Aman, Isyqie, Malik, Nana and friends from other schools and classes.

Why?

Because it takes time.
Because it matters.
Because everything doesn't make sense anymore.
Because it's human nature.
Because I'm trying to decipher.
Because you're being impossible.
Because I said so.
Because life won't allow it.
Because it's fair.
Because the world is round not square.
Because there is such thing as truth.
Because denying is not the answer.
Because everything changes.
Because God is mighty.
Because blaming others won't help.
Because calumniating is wrong.
Because he's a hatchet.



Well, just because.

People....

who are desperately gasping for fresh air,
who are at the brink of their last sanity,
who are starving for something worth while,
who are begging for second chances,
who are just laying there,
who are given thousand of chances,
who are thirsty for love,
who are living the life of an animal,
who are giving nothing more,
who are accepting more than required,
who are etching for lust,
who are covetous for nothing,
who are avaricious with materials,
who are poignant,
who are bewildered by kindness,
who are bracing impediments,
who are slightly detached,
who are affected.

These are the people you'll see now and unfortunately in the future.

Please...

don't leave me,
don't forget me,
don't leave me,
don't forget me.

don't leave me,
don't forget me,
don't leave me,
don't forget me.

don't leave me,
don't forget me,
don't leave me,
don't forget me.


just

don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't
don't.

I love you bestfriend.
I love you forever.

Don't tell me.

No one wants to hear you complain.
No one wants to know you're miserable.
No one wants to know your life is unfair.
No one wants to know how good your lovers kiss.
No one wants to know.
At least I don't.

I give no crap to your business.
So don't come to me when you have problems.
I won't help you.
I'd probably just tell you to piss off.

So don't.
I don't want to know.
Just stop.
I'm tired of mending things that are broken beyond repair.

You don't want my ears.
And I don't want to lend them to you either.
So just shut up.
Walk away. Walk far away.

I've listened enough elusive stories.
I've consumed enough.
I've seen enough.
I've swallowed enough.
I've went through enough.

I don't need you to take me there again.
I don't want to.
So just leave.

Your business is yours to control. Not others.
I don't want anything to do with you anymore.
So please, I'm begging you. Just leave.

I've had enough.