It's been awhile hasn't it?
As I'm rearranging my jumbled words in my head to type a 'relevant' post, - typing and deleting, typing and deleting, typing and deleting, oh the endless vicious cycle - I'm enjoying Mraz's soothing voice serenading me halfway in reverie. Accompanied by three beautiful people literally across from me. Minding their own business. Despite everyone putting their music on, eyes glued on their gadgets' screens letting only the sound of the fan whirling and the wind blowing gently from the unclosed sliding doors filling the stuffy atmosphere, we seem to be contented. Well, at least I am.
I've forgotten the joy of simply just writing. Based on real-life experiences or most often than not my imaginations running wild. The last time I tried getting creative with writing - for God-knows-how-long ago - I sort of put myself in a state of apical depression. When my thoughts were no longer making sense whilst I put them in readable sentences, I immediately stopped and sighed. "Astaghfirullah. What's wrong with me?"
It's true you know, "practice makes perfect" even if you're a prodigy child (I'm not one, I'm just augmenting the significance of the phrase).
For whatever odd reason, I feel like writing even when my thoughts are currently asking me to stop and put myself to rest. But it feels wrong to succumb to that way of living. Procrastinating, lazying and mopping around waiting for the hours, days and weeks to past so that I could... well, move on. The fact that I know it's wrong is what frustrates me the most, because I'm not doing anything about it.
By the time you've read this, you might think I'm depressed but I assure you, I'm not.
True, I feel lost right now. This is how I usually feel whenever exams are near and I have so much to study yet I'm not doing anything because disappointments are my worst enemy.
Elaboration regarding this feeling I shall not do here because it's not something foreign, in fact, majority of homosapiens feel it. And I'm just one of the billions.
I stop having expectations on people the minute the people I used-to-love hurt me.
Life laced with success and so much happiness does not come to you serve on a silver platter (or gold whichever you prefer), that, I'm aware of.
But you can't help it can you?
You can't.
Sometimes, being in super control of your life feels slightly generic to a point that you seem heartless and emotionless.
I guess, I am now heartless and emotionless.
Mute and dumb to people's pleads for attention.
I also realize now that I hate confrontations and dramas in my life that I'd rather watch movies instead of going out and meet people to befriend with.
Anti-social: Level 1.
As I'm writing this sentence, I still have no title for this post because I initially wanted to write regarding my 2014's resolutions...
but then again...
they're the same every year.
Oh God, I've not done anything for the past few years...
2014 shall be the turning point.
Let's start with studying for finals. Coming in t-minus 1 month.
Wish me luck.
Yours truly.
p.s. After this post script message, I'll write the title to this post.
