Here are supposedly actual answering machine announcements.
1. Hi ! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
2. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.
3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
4. Hi. Now you say something.
5. Hi, I’m not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Excuses that you might not want to make.
THE FOLLOWING IS A PARTIAL LIST OF ACTUAL WRITTEN EXCUSES GIVEN TO TEACHERS IN THE ALBUQUERQUE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM BY PARENTS OF STUDENTS:
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take physical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out), diahoah(crossed out), dyah(crossed out) the shits.
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take physical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out), diahoah(crossed out), dyah(crossed out) the shits.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Jason Mraz's concert.
A man with electric touch.
For I dare to say that I am his biggest fan. 4th March 2009 was his first concert in Malaysia. He is on an Asia Tour for his new single We dance. We sing. We steal things. He said that his new album is actually more electrify and happening. He's doing this tour is to promote and show that his new single is why he lives to sing not sing to live. His next stop would be Singapore followed by Jakarta, Indonesia. I didn't get a chance to meet my idol in Stadium Negara last two days in Kuala Lumpur for certain reasons. Taufiq the Traitor (LOL sorry Taufiq, I'm holding this grudge until I die) went and told me the preview of it. It was hell of a great show. I read in the newspaper yesterday that 9,000 fans came flooding the stadium just to meet this awesome soulful singer. "It was overwhelmed,"was how Mr. Mraz described the concert. He didn't know much about Malaysia and he liked it very much. There is no further news about him coming back to re-concert-ing here. I was so bumped by the news, but I'll pray day and night to finally meet him first hand in the nearest future. Also being said that he sang Lucky with Penny Tai (Malaysian singer) originally sang with Colbie Cailat. Fans get to buy T-shirts and some other merchandise at the concert. They didn't get to get up-close to Jason Mraz though because as soon as the concert finished, he went straight to Singapore with a tour bus (news from the oh-so-resourceful-traitor Taufiq LOL). It was one wild night and I didn't get to see it. I was depressed and devastated, but I'm sure and I'll make sure that I'll meet him one day up-close and personal. With God's will I will. The next post I'll be writing about Jason Mraz's biography with the help of the net. Later.